Win a new Silhouette Craft Cutter...

Check out this page to win a new silhouette craft cutter. It is amazing and can do all those crafty things at home. I would go wild making vinyl lettering and glass etching - what would you do?

while you are there check out the blog, a great read and very motivational to getting crafty.

CLICK HERE

facing the facts...

I have always had a bad back, well at least for a good 10 year or so. I sailed through pregnancy and 3 children though until Friday last week. I bent over to pick up my daughter's cereal bowl of the table and a sharp shooting pain rippled through my back. I knew instantly that I was in for a few days of pain and agony. I have had to re think all the things in my life that might have led to it giving out again after so long. I have not done pilates in 18 months so that is probably a good place to start. I no longer walk for exercise, strike number two. Lifting the chubby baby (who is 10kg at 6 months) in and out of his car seat is strike number 3, and last but probably not least by any means, I have been carrying him around in my wonderful Beco Butterfly II baby carrier. It is so comfortable and doesn't seem to put any strain on my back at the time, but alas, it has probably been the straw that broke the camels back LOL.

So it is with a heavy heart that I realise it has to be sold. I am so sad, I loved it. I loved to carry the little man around in it. It was so convenient to do the school run with him in it, leaving my hands free to carrying backpacks and grabs the other 2 kids when they were playing up LOL. I am going to miss it so much. But I must do it, for my backs sake. I will make a few changes in the other aspects of my life to help my back go the distance. The last thing I want is to be in constant pain and a cripple before I am 32! Goodbye Beco - I love you so much!

I volunteered at my daughter's school this morning and it was an eye opening experience. I had no idea what to expect in a prep class as it is relatively new thing here in Queensland. She had been so excited for the last week and was counting down the days until I was allowed to "come to school" with her. I have learnt a few things from my experience.

1. Her teacher is FANTASTIC. The way she interacts with the kids and speaks to them fosters their respect, love and adoration for her. My daughter was always talking about how much she loved this teacher but my god, she just seems to have this way with them. She seems to think on their level, which in schooling is sometimes quite rare.

2. NEVER get the teacher angry. She has a very loud voice that echoes through the school blocks and strikes fear in those that cross her, despite the previous point of love and adoration.

3. My daughter is as goofy, social and dramatic at school as she is at home. Apparently she has all the boys wrapped around her fingers and flutters from one group of friends to the next. It was great to see her in this environment and she was so happy, independent and full of life an willingness to learn.

and lastly....

4. School toilets still stink like sewage treatment plants and the toilet paper is still as rough as sandpaper. Some things NEVER change.

My secret addiction.....

Yes I have an addiction. Modern Cloth Nappies. I am trying to keep it under control and have promised hubby I will not buy more, unless I sell some to fund my new purchases. It is an all-controlling addiction. How is it related to me and my PND? Well...it makes me happy. At the end of a stressful day I take great joy in sitting down in front of the TV and carefully folding bubs nappies. Finding each corresponding booster and carefully doing up the snaps and pacing them in nice neat piles, ready to be stacked away in bubs room is somewhat relaxing for me. I love the soft touch of the minky and gaze adoringly at each individual print. I know, I sound strange, but they really do draw you in. Anyone else who uses Modern Cloth Nappies would understand. Oh and did I mention the joy I get from seeing them all hanging nicely outside on the line? According to the psychologist, apparently my addiction is just transferrance (hmm is that even a word?) or something like that from my depression but I disagree. I think I would be addicted regardless of my mental state.

The funny thing about being a MCN user is that you feel the need to convert the world. I have shown everyone I meet our lovely nappies and will go into great detail about the benefits of using them, you know save the environment and all that crap. But really, I use them because they are pretty and soft and brighten an otherwise dreary day. Plus, before MCN our wheelie bin was full waaaaaay before bin day and smelt horrible. One too many mid week dump runs to dispose of a garbage bag full of disposables really pushed me over the edge to find a better way.

So anyways, the point of my post (and I do have one) is that I am excited. My favourite nappy make has new prints AND a SALE!!! So it is time to cull the one's we no longer use or like and get some more. I am so excited just thinking about it. I love getting fluffy mail when my packages arrive at the door. And they just look so darn cute on bubs little tooshie! So now I am off to indulge in my addiction, and be HAPPY!

What am I doing?

So I decided to get on the blog band wagon as a way to organise my thoughts and figure out what this life has in store for me, and to discover what exactly is me? This will probably only ever be a series of nonsensical ramblings as I put my many thoughts down in print, but I feel I need to get these thoughts out into the world as I start my journey.

I am heading down a new road of discovery and unknown adventures. I am a mother to 3 beautiful children whom I love and adore more than anything, but unfortunately who have turned life upside down and forced me to figure out my inner thoughts and the consequences of these. You see, I have Post Natal Depression and it has given me the clarity to reevaluate every aspect of my life, in a good way. Diagnosed after the birth of baby number two I happily took the anti-depressant medication I was given for almost 2.5 years thinking I was doing OK. Then a surprise came our way in the form of baby number 3 and that is when things started to rumble.

I have embarked on many tear filled discoveries. Making decisions to change my life, as well as that of my children. My husband, the adoring loving soul, is always by my side is helping me figure out the rest of our lives. It was him that coerced me into finally getting help for my PND that went beyond medication. It was him who supported me on the many days I called him at work in tears as I tried to cope with a crying baby, a mischievous and ever active 3 year old and a non-stop talking know-it-all 5 year old. Obviously in hind sight they were then and now normal children behaving in age-appropriate ways, but in the moment of melt down, nothing is EVER so clear. Bless him, he is a wonderful husband and father. This is something I don't say to him often enough, but hopefully I can change that.

I am not alone though. I am embarking on this journey with other's. I have undertaken a course in cognitive behavioral therapy in order to change my ways and consciously parent and interact with others. here I have met some truly wonderful women who like me, have been struck down with an illness when they least expect it. Remember, the media, celebrities and other "perfect" parent's say that it is supposed to be the happiest time of your life to bring life into this world and immediately love this little being. So together we are healing, getting better. One day at a time.

So here I am. 6 months post-birth of baby number three and on the search for me. Who am I now, how can I be a better mother, and what have I learnt from the last few years of turmoil and anger that encompassed me. I am now going to live consciously, and find me.